I have lost track of how long I have been at this global pandemic thing.
it is hard. But it is a weird hard. It’s not like the worry that festers where you are thinking about options, outcomes, brilliant ideas. This is a global pandemic and I am on the ride, not in charge of the ride.
it is not the hysteria of the end of the world. But it’s not the complacency that everything is fine. Everything is not fine. It’s this weird same old same old business as usual peppered with flashes of … fill in the blank… yes, hysteria, impatience, irritation, the desire to yell, the desire to hit something, the desire to jump. The desire to give up, the desire to become super busy. The desire to stay home forever, the desire to redouble my outdoor time.
I have had enough. Alright already.
I think I should medicate. Happily I have choices. Let me think on my drug of choice.
Later: The self-medication went like this: Anxiety, medication, anxiety, medication. And then I slept for 3 days straight. My body has never been able to stay awake when even lightly medicated. Unhelpful and unpleasant.