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64. cOVID-19 Self-isolation Day 8 -next up?

8 days and this is feeling very much like my new normal. That didn’t take long. But Adaptability has always been a strength. And as age has mellowed and stewed me, I now adapt without the drama and grumpiness of my youth. I finally understand I can’t fight what is.

I wonder what will be different post pandemic?

Will all those managers who are unreasonably reluctant to let their staff work from home finally see productivity can be great even when they’re employees are not chained to their little cubicles?

My singing lesson is moving online. Is this something that will work? Can’t wait to find out.

What about restaurants? Will people go back to eating in restaurants? It used to be my favourite thing to do. But so is cooking and now I have time to perfect recipes for busy times.

What about sleep? Everyone who has been sent home who doesn’t have family responsibilities is now experiencing what it’s like to sleep in on a regular basis and not be sleep deprived. I wonder if this experience is going to fundamentally change what people are prepared to do for their employers? The research is in that sleep is important for health and happiness and longevity, yet most people drag themselves through the day on caffeine and will power. It’s a heady feeling when you’re not tired.

63. COVID-19 Self-isolation Day 7. Mixed messages

There have been complaints about mixed messages and I agree.

While I have been at home heeding the messages of potential viral death if I get too close to anyone else. (And freaking out when driven out for basics, like food, medication).

My son and his girlfriend have been told by their bosses that they have to go into work every day, in busy busy shopping malls. They have been helping customers, handling cash, same old same old. There were zero precautions (plexiglas shields, hand sanitizer, masks (even though they don’t work), distancing, controlling numbers of people in the store, or worrying about how closely they stand together. So it has been hard for them own the hysteria. They have had to take public transport to work.

And their essential services? One works in a store that provides non-prescription supplements, another in Sport Chek. You got it, a sportswear store as an essential service. Are you kidding? And as a parent I have had to stay home and pray that they are overseen by a bountiful goddess of health.

We were told open borders weren’t a big risk. Now the borders are closed. (The borders are closed!!!!). That I understand, they were monitoring the situation. And it’s closed to people, not closed to people bound to commerce, products and goods. Healthy American grandma won’t be able to come to Canada to be with the fam, but we will let in the transport trucks filled with ice cream. Phew!

We were warned, and on this the science is certain, that once someone expels a viral droplet of spit into the world - and this is spit that routinely travels over 1 metre(!), it can live on surfaces for 2-5 days. It can land on Monday and someone can touch the same surface on Wednesday and KABOOM. INFECTED.

So we asked the scientists, do we need to wipe down packages? Worry about touching those surfaces. Nah, they have said. Don’t worry about it. Just wash your hands.

Umm.. Ohhhkayyy

Day 7 of self-isolation and I am quite rested. Take away the stress of errands and shopping and meetings and driving.

Speaking of driving - on my walk I still stop at cross streets to wait for the light, only to realize that the busiest cross section of Ottawa is a ghost town. There are no cars. No cars driving. No parked cars. No need to look both ways anymore.

The supermarkets are enforcing distancing. Controlling the number of people allowed in (not many), green tape of the ground outside, telling you how far apart to stand when you line up. Enhanced security, because we can't be trusted to stand on little green strips of paint without becoming violent. Oh pahleeeze.

Government has been reassuring us banks will give us breaks. People are calling banks and they are saying, dude/dudette, you have to make your payments.

Government has been reassuring us landlords will be understanding if rent cheques are not on time. Landlords are saying dude/dudette, I need your rent cheque on time.

Something has scared alley cat son and he is now grounded. And quite cheerful too.

There’s lots to be thankful for.

62. COVID-19 Isolation Day 5 - Suppressed Hysteria

I may ask my son how to play his video games. I could do with some excited shouting and laughter myself.

My current state can best be described as suppressed hysteria. Clients are emailing and calling and carrying on business as usual, and I just want to scream at them - HOW CAN THIS MATTER WHEN WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE??? Good thing we were all sent home, because that way they don’t know I am losing it.

I like to think of myself as resilient, I have been through more than most, I am an inspiration, and a force of nature. Although… I have been through so much and I am prone to anxiety and depression. I have been managing it well, but this seems an unreasonable ask.

I used to wake up and gauge my day by checking my Google Calendar, Email and weather report. Now we gauge our day and future days by the death toll. How many of our fellow human beings have died by COVID-19?

And every day more people have died.

I need to go to the supermarket, but the empty stores, empty shelves, social distancing, fear of being touched/coughed/sneezed on or fear of touching something that will result in my premature death is all very heady.

My plan?

1) I am going to get on a regime of sedation. Luckily, I have a stash of long unneeded supplies.

2) I am going to put off the supermarket until tomorrow. I think Plan 1 has to kick in before I can go.

3) I am going to invest in companies that make anti-depressants. Surely there is going to be a surge? It can’t just be me.

I have been getting outside for walks, which is a must (sciatica, depression management).

I am wondering if I should put myself on a drinking plan. This situation is fertile ground for reignited alcoholism (in the clinical sense, not the haha sense); but in the face of potential annihilation of myself, or worse, I live and everyone else dies, alcoholism seems smart.

Crazy-making:

  • Last Thursday I was wondering how I was going to meet all my deadlines. Project deadlines, business reporting deadlines, tax filing deadlines.

  • Last Friday a lot was cancelled, and felt some breathing room.

  • By Sunday we were in self-isolation, and I had resorted to buckle down and get things done so when things are back to normal I will be all caught up (shiny and new).

  • By yesterday, Wednesday, the PM suggested we might be in self-isolation for months. MONTHS??

I am now in a highly unproductive WTF phase which is actually more of a stunned state of being.

I took more depressing COVID-19 pictures. I will post them soon. Once I can stomach looking at them.

61. COVID-19 Isolation Day 4

Big Orange Alley Cat son spent the entire day indoors today. Go figure.

He has been locked in his tiny windowless room playing video games with others online. Lots of shouting. Now I am worrying that COVID-19 will turn my boy into a video game playing junkie.

The kind of junkie I read about. The problems OTHER parents have with their kids.

60. COVID-19 Vocabulary

this is a fluid situation

This is a dynamic situation

the likes of we have never seen before

practicing social distancing

self-isolation

we are flattening the Curve

Later. Oh! Oh! It’s changed. we are planking the Curve

Even Later. Oh! Oh! We are PHYSICAL DISTANCING and and social media-wise approaching. Confusing I know. You have to be very clever to survive a pandemic.

we will all get through this together. This last one I have trouble with. I think about the man in the black CR-V who cut me off at First Avenue School and then gave me the finger - this is the temperament of my fellow Canadian. I think about the neighbours who are buying toilet paper in pallets (literally, one guy had a wagon) so by the time I got there the shelves were unnecessarily empty. I think about the man who walked past me, and from 2 feet away coughed into my face and did not even pretend to try to cover his mouth; it was one of those deep rattly chest coughs. I think about my extremely hard working son (retail) who heard about $82 Billion dollars in ‘direct support to Canadians’, and heard nothing ($0) for renters, is now convinced only the more well to-do homeowners count in this country. He is not buying the together spin either.

My fellow Canadians are selfish unsofisticated deplorables (thank you for that perfect word, Hilary). I think the together slogan is more wishful thinking than a projection of the possible. The politicians like the idea, but they need to take a closer look at the raw material that serves as the foundation for this ambitious project of kindness.