I may ask my son how to play his video games. I could do with some excited shouting and laughter myself.
My current state can best be described as suppressed hysteria. Clients are emailing and calling and carrying on business as usual, and I just want to scream at them - HOW CAN THIS MATTER WHEN WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE??? Good thing we were all sent home, because that way they don’t know I am losing it.
I like to think of myself as resilient, I have been through more than most, I am an inspiration, and a force of nature. Although… I have been through so much and I am prone to anxiety and depression. I have been managing it well, but this seems an unreasonable ask.
I used to wake up and gauge my day by checking my Google Calendar, Email and weather report. Now we gauge our day and future days by the death toll. How many of our fellow human beings have died by COVID-19?
And every day more people have died.
I need to go to the supermarket, but the empty stores, empty shelves, social distancing, fear of being touched/coughed/sneezed on or fear of touching something that will result in my premature death is all very heady.
My plan?
1) I am going to get on a regime of sedation. Luckily, I have a stash of long unneeded supplies.
2) I am going to put off the supermarket until tomorrow. I think Plan 1 has to kick in before I can go.
3) I am going to invest in companies that make anti-depressants. Surely there is going to be a surge? It can’t just be me.
I have been getting outside for walks, which is a must (sciatica, depression management).
I am wondering if I should put myself on a drinking plan. This situation is fertile ground for reignited alcoholism (in the clinical sense, not the haha sense); but in the face of potential annihilation of myself, or worse, I live and everyone else dies, alcoholism seems smart.
Crazy-making:
Last Thursday I was wondering how I was going to meet all my deadlines. Project deadlines, business reporting deadlines, tax filing deadlines.
Last Friday a lot was cancelled, and felt some breathing room.
By Sunday we were in self-isolation, and I had resorted to buckle down and get things done so when things are back to normal I will be all caught up (shiny and new).
By yesterday, Wednesday, the PM suggested we might be in self-isolation for months. MONTHS??
I am now in a highly unproductive WTF phase which is actually more of a stunned state of being.
I took more depressing COVID-19 pictures. I will post them soon. Once I can stomach looking at them.