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59. COVID-19 And so it begins

Is this how I die? For a number of upbringing-related reasons too complex and too dull to go into now - let’s just boil it down to I blame Mother - almost every day I wonder if I will die soon, and every morning I wake up in surprise - holy crap, another day!

These last few days though, have added a Machiavellian twist. I thought I had anticipated every. single. possibility. That was what I was good at. Today, I realize COVID-19 could kill me. This was not on my radar.

Do you know what else wasn’t on my radar? A “surprise!” kind-of-out-of the blue VIRUS that in a matter of days led to HOARDING of toilet paper (stupid, people! stupid people), the declaration of a global PANDEMIC, and a total SHUT DOWN of our city.

I wonder if I am still in shock? I find I only know for sure once it’s over and feels like a surreal dream. Unless I am dead. In history we all have a faint bell of recognition when we hear of huge populations wiped out in the Spanish Flu, or during a plague. You know, the tragedies of the olden times.

Death by virus. “Contagion” is one of the top rated movies in Canada. What the heck is wrong with us? I watched it. What the heck is wrong with me?

Important thoughts. I have been letting my hair grow out grey, and I think it looks okay. But if the virus is going to kill me soon, maybe I should dye it darker? Look good and more youthful for the morgue. For my casket.

Last Friday the news of Coronavirus (it wan’t known as COVID-19 yet), was beating up the stock market. We saw the worst trading days since 1987. Trading was halted. Which my friend Dave explained to me means things were unreasonably out of control, so it is a bit of reflection time in the corner, until traders grow up and come to their senses. It was a great lunch, because very coincidentally, the drop into a bear market aligned with my desire to move some money back into the stock market.

After being burned by unscrupulous advisors (RBCDS - yes, I name names), I had cashed out totally for 10 years. Now I am going to do it, and do it myself. With a little help. Dave was tutoring me in how to do it, what to buy, and how to have nerves of steel to buy when everyone else is selling.

After lunch, I left the restaurant and checked my phone. A client was cancelling all of my upcoming training classes because of COVID-19. Hmm, I thought. I only have 1 class coming up for them, and my other client who pays me better is still around. 20 seconds later I received an email from that client. Postponed. COVID-19. Then another client. Then another. Then everyone was sent home.

We were told to self-isolate. Just after we had just learned to do the elbow bump. A spasmodic twisting of middle-aged bodies to touch elbows instead of wash hands.

15 minutes later, by the time I got home, I thought the end of the world had arrived. I drank a bottle of wine. I did bugger-all on Saturday. On Sunday I dedicated my time to finding the bright side, to thinking about how this might be an opportunity, and giving myself the self-talk around self-discipline. Work. Do my taxes. Clean the condo. Emerge (if not dead) shiny and new.

Now this is day 4 of self-isolation. I have had to wrangle my head around being self-isolated with my young adult son. Have you seen the size of this condo?? The only reason we work (this mother/son team), is because he is always out, I am always out, we are fleeting glimpses of concepts of real beings, who only occasionally fill out into live beings to share a joke, watch a movie, or butt heads in an argument that carries forward all the slights and hurt of a life-time. You know. Normal stuff.

My son is going to kill me. Think of a 23 year-old young adult. This is a skin casing of rampant testosterone and the less developed brain that is certain in it’s know-it-all certainty. Certainty that they are invincible. I am self-isolating and he is prowling the neighbourhood like a big orange alley cat in heat, bringing back all their germs. He made 3 different outings in one day to see 3 different sets of people. I am at more risk at home than in the streets. I was getting to the point of hysteria, asking him to move out, drawing the line. I decided to sedate myself instead.

Kids only trust other kids. Funny story. I have been following the news, sharing it with the kids, emphasizing the importance of taking this seriously. My son was only half-listening (remember, the orange alley cat has plans.- no time for viruses). The penny only dropped when he saw a FaceBook post from his friend in Italy, so said ‘hey guys, this is serious’. All of a sudden he snapped to attention into full Rambo mode. He is going to protect him mom from the virus. He had all these elaborate plans.

All I ask for is if he could wash his hands for 20 seconds. Happy Birthday Song. It’s a little longer since he has a 3 syllable name. He washes for 7 seconds, and when I asked for a bit more of the soap and lather, he said 20 seconds are for people whose hand washing is not as efficient as his.

My son is going to kill me.

Toilet paper. Let’s get this topic over with. Early on, people started hoarding toilet paper and no one knows why. All we know is that by massive buying they created an artificial toilet paper shortage. Enough said.

Supermarkets. Last week we saw our ALWAYS fully stocked supermarkets with bare shelves. Like you see on TV shots of war-torn countries. We were asked to stock up for 1-2 weeks, and people got mean. Sadly, I have always thought of my fellow Ottawans as mean. I suspect my friends think I just cynical, because that’s what they tell me, but this shows I am right.

On Friday and Saturday I went into my supermarket and the line-ups were so oppressive and windy, I didn’t stay. I would rather die.

Besides, I would think that once you get COVID-19 you wouldn’t be that hungry. Shouldn’t people be buying electrolyte laden drinks and hand soap (not sanitizer, of which we had a shortage. Lazy slobs, wash your hands!)

Freebies. Some things are free. CBC TV (since lots of us don’t have cable anymore), where we can watch national and regional 24/7 reporting of how screwed we are. Rogers is giving us unlimited data. What else? I don’t remember. Paying taxes is delayed. Banks has given people 6 months to get their mortgage payments out.

Here’s another laugh. I have saved up some money for a rainy day. While WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC and STATE OF EMERGENCY qualifies as the rainy day for which I have been preparing, I realized I never thought that I would have to use it for such a purpose. For survival. So ironic. Apparently I was sub-consciously saving up for an outrageously priced Hermes scarf or shawl. Which I am looking at again, if I am going to be virus-dead soon, I will have money left over. And kids don’t deserve it (remember, death due to orange alley cat son).

This is a start. I will blog more later. I have photos too!