My world shut down on March 13, 2020. Today is April 11, 2021. Things are getting worse.
Better and worse. I don’t overthink the loss, or try to imagine the specific living breathing people and their lost lives and the people they leave behind. Over 23,000 deaths. In Canada.
We have a vaccine. But it’s fraught with questions. Has it been approved because it is safe, or because we are desperate? Astra Zeneca may cause fatal blood clots. So government has decided it is not okay for people 55 and younger. I am 56. Once again, screwed by being at the tail end of the baby boom. So now I weigh up the physical and mental risks of prolonged self-isolation, versus the risks of getting COVID-19, versus the risks of getting a vaccine induced blood clot.
The roll-out of the vaccine has been a disaster. Slow. They are vaccinating the wrong people first. Vaccines are going to waste.
The communications as been a disaster. Inconsistent messaging. Sloppy messaging. A lacunae of messaging.
We had SARS in 2003 and H1N1 in 2009. Where’s the playbook?
People are talking about post-COVID-19 as being an era similar to the roaring ‘20s. I am ready.
In over a year I haven’t been to a supermarket. I haven’t been to a restaurant. I haven’t been to a concert. I haven’t been to a play. I haven’t had a friend over. I haven’t been in a friend’s house. I have seen a friend about 3 times in the year. I can’t go for a walk where I am not on high alert as people walk by with no masks and/or get too close. Breathing indoor condo air 24/7 irritates my throat. Stores are boarded up. The roads are empty. People have haunted eyes. I have lost weight because the burden of cooking every single meal is just much too much. Even for one. When you ask people how they are, they no longer say ‘fine’ or ‘good’ or ‘great’. Extraverts are crumbling. And now a year later, even introverts are crumbling too. It’s too much. There are no news stories except about death and potential death. Masks, vaccines, herd immunity. There is no news because no one is doing anything. News reporters are stuck in their homes (basements, hallways, closets). Oh! One more story. About how for some people a year later there has been no full recovery. Difficulty breathing. Other new health problems. No matter, in the statistics we count them as ‘cured’.
I struggle to read for pleasure. My salvation has been Nintendo Switch Animal Crossing New Horizons. Video games. What a blessed escape. There are no viruses on my tropical island. Every day animal villagers tell me I am a great person and it’s going to be a good day.
Church. Church semi-opened. Attend by appointment. No community communal (I never did it anyway - yuck - vindicated). No peace be with you hand shaking or fist bumping. No singing. What’s left? A hollow shell. I never went back. Although I need faith. I bought a gold cross and I rub it to draw strength as I need to. I bought a bible. Praying the pandemic is over before I read it cover to cover.
On the occasions when I see son XYZ, the only person in my bubble, we both wear masks and stay 6+ feet apart. Being desperate for contact, I have found a loophole - he is so tall, that we have the occasional hug, both masked, where we each turn our heads in the opposite direction. I am so short, and he is so tall, it may very well be 6 feet apart head to head. And then I wash my hands until they are raw.
I have had some emergency room hospital visits. Despite being in pain, I was oddly buoyed by wearing outdoor clothes, and having In Real Life human contact. Unreal.
I have to move. During a global pandemic. Feeling a bit hysterical.
Variants.
We are really screwed. I am really screwed.
The goal used to be to help others, to find fulfillment, to be happy, to live life to its fullest. There is a new goal now.
To make it out of this alive.
2.93 MILLION DEATHS WORLDWIDE. SO FAR.