I have already mentioned the nightmares are back, the ones I haven’t had since divorcing 13 years ago.
I now have nightmares I haven’t had since I was a young child and teenager being erratically (that matters) violently abused by an alcoholic father. That was over 40 years ago. It’s the loss of control nightmares. (Psychologists are nodding knowingly here).
In my youth the nightmare was one where I was being chased by a man with no face, and then either I would be running and would go blind, or he would have me cornered in my bed against the walls and I would go blind. There was no variation where I had a chance of getting away.
In the pandemic 2020 nightmares I lose things of value and spend the entire night frantically trying to find them. Last night I had taken a bus to Montreal and arrived to find my pack with everything in it missing. And I refused to give up searching for it even though I knew it had been stolen. It makes for a rough night.
Well, I refused to believe the worst of my fellow human beings; that someone could have stolen my things. That’s something.